CaNdY gIrL

Candy · Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 7:40 pm Post subject:

i cant stop thinking about him....

he notices me....
the few times hes around....

so mysterious...

seems like he's been hurt....
(ive read his journal lmao that didnt help much ;\).... i wanna know more about him ...from what i see...he's in pain....
idk why but i wanna help....
funny...
normally im emotionless....
insensitive...
what is it about him that makes me change?
i can only wonder...
if only i could find a way to talk to him without embarassing myself...
i dont think i can handle another rejection
all the drama with my freinds...
my family...
ah thats the last thing i need is love life drama...

its times like this when i question if there is a god....
im crying inside...
and no-one knows it...nor do i want to tell them....but no-one even cares enough to ask....
that or ive pushed them away (did i do this to myself?)
all that i have left is my hope....
ive been robbed of it all....

Candy · Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 8:26 am Post subject:

i talked to na today.....
i have the strangest feeling jessica might be tryin to get to him....
i dont understand why she continues to flirt with him knowing thats my b/f...
im like wtf?
smh@her high hormone level havin ass....
15 years old and she jumps on every guy she meets....
i feel bad for her..but if she keeps tryin to cross the line im gonna have to let to her have it...
and that will most definitely be the end of our freindship....because its not like she just started doing this...
smh...
i told her before...
that i didnt like it....
and she still continues
the thing that hurts the most is that he's feeding into it....

one day they both left at the same time...
i was like wtf? i was so suspicious.....
ah idk what im gonna do.....
i like another guy but i refuse to act on my feelings because im with na...
but the way things are going i think i might....
smfh
Crying or Very sad

Candy · Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 2:50 pm Post subject:

i confided in paula...
lol she knows now....
mad guys like me right now......funny...
when the one i like doesnt even know i exist.....

ah hell heres what im playing..and what im signin along to...

Aaliyah - i care for you

Mmm yeah...
Mmm yeah...
Oh yeah oh...

Hey my baby
Why you lookin'so down?
Seems like you need some lovin'
Baby you need a girl like me
(don't frown)
Hey my baby
Here take my hand(yeah)
Wipe those tears from your eyes

Can I talk to you?(can I talk to you)
Comfort you(comfort)
Let you know(just wanna let you know baby)
I Care 4 U(oh yeah)

Can I talk to you(I wanna talk to you)
Comfort you(gotta let you know baby)
Let you know
I Care 4 U

Hey sexy baby
Why'd your girl leave you in pain?
To let a fine man like you go
She must be insane
Hey sexy baby
There's no need to worry
Oh boy if you call on me
I'll come, I'll come in a hurry

Can I talk to you?(come on)
Comfort you(I love you baby)
Let you know(oh baby)
I Care 4 U(I love you, yes I do)

Can I talk to you?(I wanna talk to you)
Comfort you(Give me a chance)
Let you know(I wanna let you know)
I Care 4 U(gotta let you know, that I love you)

Hold on (hold on)
Stay Strong (stay strong)
Press on(for me baby)
I Care 4 U(I care 4 u)
Hold on (hold on)
Stay strong (stay strong)
Press on (press on for me)
I Care 4 U (baby)

Can I talk to you(I wanna talk to you)
Comfort you(I wanna hold you tight baby)
Let you know(I wanna let you know)
I Care 4 U (that I care for you)

Can I talk to you(ohhh,ohhh)

Candy · Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 9:13 am Post subject:

typical spanish family we are....
our cabinets=full of rice and beans and spices....

theres nothing to eat ....my mom seriously needs to go grocery shoppin today....
we cant wait till payday....

theres no mik....
i drank the last bit of orange juice yesterday to take my medicine...(fuckin prozac ;\ )
smh

i fried the last eggs yesterday morning for me and kia...

she made rice for herself yesterday....
im so tired of rice...and beans...
i wish i could have some pork chops...(cant step dad is muslim no pork in our house)
ahhh
no noodles...
we have to wait till mom comes home again...shes gonna bring us somethin like she did yesterday....
my stomach's already growling....
im gonna check the cabinets just incase i missed somethin....so hungry....

Candy · Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 1:49 am Post subject:

kid( ray) is mad at me again.....
oh well...im tired of fightin him...
i tried

Candy · Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 11:25 pm Post subject:

i had the craziest dream about my 2nd b/f....Eric...(white boy eric lol)
omg...
we were in new york...
the burbs tho....
he had a house to himself...him parents seemingly abandonded him (has happened before in real life)...
i somehow lived in the house nextdoor (the house was a duplex ;x)
i was walkin to my freind paula's (who also somehow lived right down the street) ...
and i saw all these wood piles...that were on fire...
so i put them out...
and suddenly i see Eric...
and i just stop totally in my tracks...
i start crying...
and then he comes over here hugs me...and tells me its ok...
so we go into his house...
and theres a couple of people hangin out....
we go to his room...and we talk...
i stop crying...
and he kisses my forehead....i kiss him back
the next thing i know we're making out ;x
we stop and tell him i forgot something at my house...
so i go back and get it..and while im walking i call and tell my freind paula what happened so far ( i knew somethin else would happen...how idk)
so i go back...and somehow my house is now connected to his so i dont have to leave his to go to mine...(weird aint it)
and so i go back to his room to find him tucked in his bed about to go to sleep (somehow now im in my pjs)
i jump his bed and playfully yell wake uppppp
he gets up and says...i cant sleep...
and im like awwww

so i lay down next to him and we;re just staring at each other...i cant take my eyes offa his eyes...
(i always loved eric's chestnut colored eyes omg...)
so i lean closer and tell him to come here...
after he does i kiss him on the forehead...
and again we start makin out!!
(its so good im breathless and my eyes roll back into mi head...LMAO man i have some crazy dreams)
but yea...
we're makin out...
and then my night gown's should strap falls...
and HE PICKS UP WITH HIS TEETH :X
.....
omg i cant believe this was a dream cuz it felt so real...but anyway back to the dream LOL
after he fixed my night gown strap...
he starts kissing on my neck
then he goes lower....
and lower...
n lower...n lower
until (yea u get the idea)
and the whole time im in shock like "HOT FUCKIN DAMN!!!!!!"
im just laying there in shock...not beleiving this is happenin....because it feels so good...
the next thing i know he stops....
he sits up and tells me to come here...
so i go..and i sit on him playfully
and the next thing i know...
we're fuckin Surprised

(which in real life almost happened....)

after like 10 minutes of that i wake up...all hot and bothered...and well...here i am now telling it to my journal like the sap i am....

Candy · Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 11:40 pm Post subject:

fuck i double posted in one of the forums 'cause of gay ass aol!!!!~
wtf man...

Candy · Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 8:28 am Post subject:

ah the fridge is full....mom went shopping...
thats one thing to be happy about...
did i say one? thats just about all..
everything else is fucked up....
nothing can ever go smoothly around this damn house....
i swear...as soon as i turn 18 im leavin....

Candy · Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 2:08 pm Post subject:

fuck....its hot...
my mom and little sister left without even asking if i wanted to come with them...
my dad never even calls anymore except when his mom asks about me...
smh
tf? does anyone fuckin give a shit anymore?
fuck....
what do i gotta do to get some fucking attention from these assholes? hang myfuckin self?
jesus christ....

i swear its like...
the only person my mom cares about is my sister now...
and the only people my dad cares about are his other kids by that bitch(step monster)

its like i dropped of the fuckin face of the earth....
its ok....
one day they'll need me...
ONE MOTHERFUCKIN DAY.
until then i guess i exist in the fuckin shadow of my younger siblings...
smh its funny how no1 cares when im doing good in school and everything is fuckin peachy...
but when i fuck up everyone in the fucking world has something say about what i should have done...
what i need to do etc etc etc...
heres an idea you moronic bastard...
stfu and be around when i need you...
not when you want to fuckin criticize me...
fuckin idiots
and they have the nerve to say....
"well ig you lived with us woop de woop woop" stfu
if you could do so fuckin good you wouldnt only call me when you find out im mmessing up
one more year you assholes...
one more year ....
and i swear on everything i love and live for
that i will move so far away that i wont come back except maybe once every 5 years....
psssft
kiss my ass while you can...
while its still here...
because this wont be for long ....

Candy · Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 3:01 pm Post subject:

ugh im tired of fighting...im finally going to the fuckin doctor....
fuck it....
ive been sick for the past 3 days....

Candy · Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 2:01 am Post subject:

i have sinus infection....i cant sleep...
i have cramps...
and today's paula's birthday....
im ready to sleep now but if i do i wont wake up till late...then i wont be able to call and say happy birthday to her ;\
ah fuck man...
i cant find my phone to set the gay ass alarm....
so basically im screwed in all ways...
smfh
my lil sister and step sister ate my damn pizza...drank my fuckin sodas...and gave our dog my fuckin yogurt..now im stuck with nothing to eat but lasagna ( for the whole fuckin week.) i feel like a damn horse kicked me in my stomach...
i hate cramps...
im bloated as hell my stomach looks like a damn balloon...
my head hurts too...
nothing can go right...
nothing can ever go my way...
someone...one something always has to fuck it up...
i might as well fall over roll myself into the fetal position and cry myself to sleep because of this damn pain....
fucking motrin is working...
i swear ive built up a tolerance to it...
anyway imma go lay here in pain and try to get some sleep...
keyword try...

Candy · Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 4:04 pm Post subject:

i made a new forum....
more topics...more everything...im gettin hosting in 2 weeks Very Happy

im gonna get sean to make some programs for it Wink

heres the cute lil button i made for it!

Candy · Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 4:37 am Post subject:

i joined like 4 forums today rofl...
omg...this is crazy

Candy · Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 12:31 am Post subject:

ah another day in hell...
heres a list of all the things i did today...
sleep..
eat...
shit..
mope...
get on aol...
yell and scream...
mope...
eat...
sleep...
help my lil sis with her homework...
mope some more...
talk on the phone...
damn near get my hear broken...
mope...
and you guessed it you fuckin genius...
i mope'd some more

Candy · Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 12:42 am Post subject:

august 28th,2005-

i cant help but daydream about you...(are you thinking of me?) wishing i was in your arms,tucked away from harm come to me,take me away,do with me as you please...forever....i will hold this memory close to my heart;
for ever lost in your eyes, so blinded from the start...